Evil side of me

I do not know when it happen to me but it is deep inside my heart.

After SPM, I always tell myself that I need to be hardworking when I enter Form 6 to get top 10 in school examination (actually I plan enter Form 6 since Form 3). It is because when I in my Form 4&5, every exam I always lose to a guy (I name it 'A')and get second place in class. I believe in myself that I can archive it but life is not that smooth, my brain did not follow my heart. I can not blame anyone, just me who already decided to be but can not full fill it. I can not get what I suppose to want. So I lose to another guy ( this is 'B').

Evil of me start to appear

From that moment I dislike every action the 'B' make whether is it good or bad. I know what you will say, you will say just be diligent and beat that guy. This happen almost 1 and half year past, I can not help myself, even at this moment I typing the word, I still tell myself do not lazy. I guess my true nature is lazy.

The 'A', I always lose to him but maybe I like his attitude, hate toward him seem to be not appear. I tell you 1 thing that is 'B' and I are not classmate when in high school, 'B' and I become classmate again when enter form 6( Form 1,2&3 I same class with 'B'). I also lose to 'B' when in high school in overall ranking but do not why that time the evil still asleep. You can call this evil 'ENVY'.

10th March, STPM result out
Ya, guess what, 'B' get straight As and lose to him again, I know I can not beat him but still the evil awake. The most I dislike him when he humble( something like 'i didnt read also can get A' but sure is not like tat lah, example oli). I do not know the answer, even me will humble when get unexpected outcome. After that it come to choosing the university and the course we want, 'ENVY' still appearing.

Now 'B' is prepare for entering a oversea university, like always I envy him. I hope this will end after he study oversea. When he come back, just hope I will have the evil gone away. For your information , I treat him just like best friend, just sometime what he say I feel uncomfortable, I will just silent.